The Most Effective Use of Silence I’ve Ever Come Across!

Posted by John on Jul 4, 2011 in self-confidence at work | 0 comments

In the selling situation, salespeople often think they should fill any silence with the sound of their own voices. To feel truly listened to, however, prospects need to know that what they say merits consideration by the sales person or indeed any listener. In fact one tip I often give is to ‘sum up what the prospect has said using their own words’ – and they’ll feel truly listened to.

This application of silence is even more effective in the coaching situation (although I would argue that to be effective in a sales meeting, the prospect is indeed being ‘coached’ by the sales person) and I’d like to share my experience of the most effective use of silence that I’ve ever come across.

I don’t know about you but I used to get confused between coaching and mentoring. The best explanation I’ve seen is in ‘Techniques for Coaching and Mentoring’ by David Megginson & David Clutterbuck. One thing they suggest that coaching relates to performance improvement and the coach owns the process and mentoring relates to identifying and nurturing the potential of the whole person and the learner owns both the goals and process.

My example is indeed a ‘coaching situation’.

Last year in Vienna, I was privileged to sit in on part of a coaching workshop presented by Insoo Kim Berg (who sadly died last January). Insoo and her husband Steve de Shazer were pioneers of Solution Focused practice, which has its roots in the therapeutic approach they devised at BFTC Milwaukee. Insoo was presenting a ‘live’ coaching demonstration.

Her coachee worked in the family fashion business and had a problem with stock control for some specific items. She was at a loss as to how to deal with the situation. Insoo said to her, “When all these problems are solved (silent pause), what will the pieces look like?” The coachee proceeded to tell Insoo her solution.

When it came to question time, I asked the coachee what she was thinking of during the silent pause. She motioned that everything was tumbling about in her head (before she presented her own solution). I had timed the silent pause. Insoo had paused for twenty seconds! Twenty seconds that is, without loss of focus on her coachee.

You see whatever our circumstances, we so often interrupt the thinking of others by disturbing their thought patterns. We are in control of the process. Is it not better to let our prospects or colleagues come to their own conclusions? That way you don’t have to sell your products or ideas, merely support their decision to buy!