For Personal Relationships to Work They Need Listening Skills - Not Hearing Skills!

The underlying skill demanded of successful personal relationships is one of listening. And to listen you need to be able to give the other person your undivided attention.

In the mentoring and coaching work that I do with corporate clients, it’s so often revealed that that a major obstacle preventing you from giving someone your ‘undivided attention’ is that person in our heads who is otherwise occupied in preparing what to say next, rather than listening, thinking and then replying.

• Being right is not as important as being happy!

What is it you both want? “What will that give you that you wouldn’t otherwise have; happiness perhaps? Start evaluating the things you do in your relationship that work and help you to get what you both want. Remember that tolerance, compassion and understanding are emotions that take the steam out of hostile situations and enhance personal relationships.

• Accept each other as you are, not as you want each other to be

If you accept yourself quite unconditionally for what you are – warts and all; it’s strange but your partner in an uncanny way will be more likely to accept themselves on the same basis. This spirit of mutual acceptance is a superb foundation for a developing relationship.

• Be up front and forthright

Base all your relationships (whether personal or business) on honesty and integrity Express your emotions in a responsible and mature way and make sure that your non verbal communication matches your verbal communication. Your body language and spoken language need to be sending the same messages! And remember there are some subtle differences between male and female body language!

• Girlfriend or Boyfriend - friendship comes first

In an intimate relationship, by focusing on each other’s positive qualities it will give you the sustainability required to overcome the inevitable problems that might arise once you introduce love into the equation. What was the mutual attraction that started the friendship that lead to an intimate relationship?

• Boost each other’s self-esteem Openness in personal relationships may also expose areas of vulnerability. Don’t succumb to being critical but boost and protect each others self-esteem whenever the opportunity arises. Make sure complements are genuine and not patronising.

• Stop any ‘blame storming’!

Take responsibility for your own actions and resist any temptation to pick on each other. There can be a tendency to blame your partner for those inadequacies you may have yourself. The sooner you can recognise them as such, the sooner you can turn it to your advantage and avoid that spiral of negativity.

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And remember:

We all have our own view of the world!

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